i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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