The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
