He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
