im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
