why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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