there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
