P.S. I can't hear my feet
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
