can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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