His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I want a musical about memes.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
