Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
