nut hugger
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
