awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
