So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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