please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
