Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
