I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
