I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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