so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she looked like the before picture.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
