You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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