she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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