Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
