your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
