i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
