can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
