it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
