i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
