i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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