what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
