His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
