do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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