Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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