Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
