Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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