3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
After last night, I could never be a politician.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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