dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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