My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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