his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
