So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
