I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
