You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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