At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
