he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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