Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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