apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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