I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
