I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
