cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
