I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
