I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
