We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
