She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
